“Grace” (from a collection of writings about dysfunction)
Grace. Grace is one of the most beautiful words I know. Grace is getting what you do not deserve, because someone believes you are worth it. Grace is the reason my eyes open every morning, and I wake up. Grace is my ability to smile when things are going so completely backwards from how I think they should be. It is waking up to find a note that says “I love you”, or that moment when my house is so full of people, I can barely walk through it. It is that quiet time in the morning when God is speaking to me. Grace is the peace that grows in my heart. It is the gift of being able to play my soul out on my guitar and sing. Grace is my ability to be writing each word on this page. Grace is knowing that I am here today because of the abundance of undeserved chances that I have been given. It is knowing that I am loved unconditionally, even though I don’t deserve it. Grace is every breath I breathe. Grace saved my life.
One of my favorite definitions of grace is simply this: “If there’s one thing I know, it’s that God will never let you go.” This is incredibly powerful. When I think of all of the times God had every right to let me go, and didn’t, I am blown away. When I think of all of the times that he gives me the chance to mess up again, I am overwhelmed. He never gave up on me, and he never will. “God will never let you go.” Never is a long time. All of my life, people have let me go. People have taken things from me; people have used and abandoned me. But God will never do that. He has always been there, gently pursuing me, even when I was mad at him, even when I wanted nothing to do with him. Even when I didn’t understand and didn’t believe that he was there, He was. When my world was full of abuse, abandonment, anger, and confusion, he did what everyone else did not; he blessed me. He showed me grace. He loved me unconditionally. And slowly, ever so slowly, I began to awaken to this beautiful gift, and the healing that it brought to my life.