Give/Receive, Give/Receive

 

 

 

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The close of another day of working in the mountains.

Somedays my heart is touched more than I can say. It is so full that the words will not come. Days where I learn more than I can fully understand, and experience more than I could possibly put into words. Today was one of those days.

I am filled to the brim with Joy and sadness, compassion and amazement, and an awe of how incredible our God is and how intricately he works. In awe of how he provides. Of how he gives and takes away. In awe of how in the emptying, I am filled. In awe of how HE IS GOOD – even when the world is not.

I cannot comprehend how in the giving of self, you are given more than you could ever imagine receiving. And how in recieving, you also become the gift.

I am in awe of how the love that we give is given to us by our Savior, but as we give it to others we begin to understand, in some small way, the manner in which he loves us. Not until we give away that which has been given to us can we truly begin to understand what it is that we have in him.  It is in the giving that we receive – And it is in the receiving that we give.

How is it that in the emptying, I am filled? That in the giving of what he has given  I am emptied of self and filled with with the one who gave himself for me? He has created this perfect way, this perfect paradox of emptying and recieving all wrapped in the same package.     –   Give/receive, give/receive.     –     In the giving over of myself to God(giving), I recieve what it is that he has for me to give(receiving). And as I use what he has given me I am emptied of self and dependant only on him(giving). Andhe in turn fills me with more and in more ways than I could ever imagine(receiving).

I don’t know why, but this realization competely undoes me. Completely Breaks me. I am so loved. SO LOVED. And yet my nature is to hold tight to everything -to selfishly store everything away for just me. But my purpose is to give. To give and give and give and give and give. And how can I not when he has given me so much? How could I even think of hording it all for myself? I have been given much, and so must I give. Give as he gives to me. Then and only then can I begin to recieve what he has for me and understand how it is that he loves me.

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